I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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