whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
