How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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