Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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