First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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