the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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