I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
