On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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