One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize