he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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