i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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