Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
