evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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