dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
