I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The power of my boobs compel you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize