yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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