I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
