I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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