I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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