I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
