get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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