that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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