Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
