You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How naked do you want me to be?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
