apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
