Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
