only you would photoshop your dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize