Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
