Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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