im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
