dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Too much gin, very little bucket
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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