Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
