So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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