That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
