you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize