Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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