You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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