Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
