he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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