You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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