look no pants
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
