Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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