I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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