it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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