Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
