Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
