oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
