That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
