My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want a musical about memes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
