After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
time to smoke my breakfast
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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