I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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