dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
