Taylor Swift is so right about you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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