I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
