we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
