Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize